Are you struggling to balance marriage with your other commitments?

I think in this day and age, we’ve mostly moved past the idea that we can have it all, all the time. Time and resources are finite, which puts a limit on what we can accomplish each day.

But even if we can’t have it all, we can have what we want, what we value, and what we need. It’s just a matter of prioritization.

Unfortunately, this is easier said than done. We all have lists of commitments and things that are important to us, things we want to focus on and give our time to. This is how, incidentally, we land up with laundry lists for New Year’s Resolutions (myself included).

Balancing the important things and people in our lives is a tightrope act that often has us tilting one way or another. Walking a straight line all the time is virtually impossible. Or is it?

Can we give as much of ourselves to our to-do lists as we do to our children, the same as we do to our spouses and to our jobs? Can we put our faith first or highlight our health without neglecting something else?

Over the years, I have definitely tilted heavily to one side or another on that tightrope. I’ve put my friends before my studies and saw my grades drop in college. I’ve lost friends because my husband became my whole world. At one point, I sacrificed my marriage at the altar of work, putting in 80-hour workweeks. And I’ve given up a career in favor of childrearing, seeing to my children’s needs at the expense of everything else.

Moderation is key

Moderation is the key in pretty much every part of life. Some people balance life like a pro, others spend their entire lives with flailing arms, trying to keep from falling off the tightrope.

Are you in balance? Or about to fall?

Today, I see a lot more balance in my life than I used to. It may not stay like this forever, but for now, I’m enjoying the comfortable feeling of handling my priorities fairly.

Marriage is the first and easiest place to lose our balance. Maybe it’s because we love the other person and they love us, so we figure that they’ll forgive our inattention better than a young child or demanding boss. Or maybe it’s because we say that marriage is forever, so we abuse it like an indestructible tank, not seeing the weak spots that can develop over time.

God first, then marriage

I love my husband and I know he loves me. But we have been through a lot of hard times to get to where we are today. Lack of balance in our marriage was the killer in almost every issue we ever experienced.

Outside of God, no one and nothing should come before your marriage. Not children, or friends, or jobs, or hobbies, or issues. If a marriage isn’t strong, nothing that comes after it can be strong either.

There will be days when you work late, days when the kids are sick and want your comfort, days when a friend needs your shoulder to cry on, and days when you hole up doing something you love in your hobby room. Just be careful not to let those days roll into weeks and months, until they’ve gone from being outliers to being the norm.

The biggest danger in a marriage is letting unhealthy patterns become your daily way of life. You can’t tilt precariously to one side on a tightrope and expect not to fall off.

Here are three things you can do to keep your marriage and your responsibilities in balance.

1. Evaluate them on a regular basis.

   Look at what you have on your plate and make sure you are giving each thing and person their due. If you’re heavily investing in your job, but only seeing your spouse two nights a week, consider whether this is right for your marriage (and it might be, if your spouse is behind you 100%) or whether you need to cut back.

 

2. 

   Talk to your spouse.

   It goes without saying that communication is a must. Knowing what your spouse needs and expects from you can make all the difference when you decide what you can balance in life. Expectations may have changed over the years, as have your priorities. Make sure they still line up and you are both giving each other what the other needs.

 

3. Never just go along.

   Do not let things just lie because it’s easier than fighting for what’s important. If you or your spouse is giving too much to other things and it’s weakening your marriage, say something. Make changes, give up less important things, or delegate your responsibilities so that you’re both equal partners.

My biggest struggle was being a mother to five children and wife at the same time. Five little kids take a lot out of me, leaving little energy for my husband. Shifting some of the parenting to him strengthened our marriage and our family at the same time. It gave him more of a feel for my responsibilities, and gave me some time and space to devote to being a wife.

We make a lot of promises when we get married. It’s important to stand by them, no matter what life puts before us. We may not be able to have it all, but we can have what matters. Build your life on the foundation of a strong, Godly marriage and you’ll find yourself balancing your responsibilities with less effort and more poise.

 

Have you struggled with finding balance in your life and marriage? What are some tips that have worked for you?