The other night, as I brushed my teeth with my eyes closed, I realized that going to bed when I am really tired is no fun. I do a cursory teeth brushing, climb into bed, and close my eyes with only one thought passing through my mind —please, oh please, let no one wake up and need a tuck in/cuddle/diaper change.

There’s no time for prayers, reading, face washing, or anything else that might make my bedtime ritual one that is relaxing and rewarding. That’s because I’ve been rushing all day. Making meals, meeting deadlines, finding lost permission slips, trying to meet my own personal goals for the day, and a myriad of other things that seem to just pop up out of nowhere.

Despite all my lists, to-dos, plans, notebooks, and organizers, I am treading water in my own life. Maybe you are, too. How did this happen to us?

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Be proactive, not reactive.” But for many of us, myself included, we are reactive. We don’t fix things until they’re broken, we don’t worry about our children’s grades until they’ve already failed, we don’t put things in order until they’ve already been lost, we don’t prepare meals until we’re hungry. In every aspect of our lives, we allow ourselves to be led, rather than staying ahead of it all.

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I’d love to say that I am proactive in all things and that I am the intentional-living guru, but that would be a bald-faced lie. I struggle with my schedules and responsibilities daily. Sometimes, I stumble upon something that works and helps me get ahead of those tasks, but other times, I’m rushing around all day until I can’t even keep my eyes open while I brush.

The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” – Stephen Covey 

Why do we find ourselves running around doing things that seem important just because they’re urgent, only to later wonder how we missed what was really important that day?

Planning is important, but if we don’t schedule things in a way that reflect our priorities, then we will forever be chasing our day like a runaway dog. So, how do we proactively and intentionally leash our day and bring some peace and calm to our lives? Here are some starting points.

• Multiple planning sessions. Starting your day with a look at what needs to be done is a great way to get a bird’s eye view of your day. I recently started using Cozi because I can coordinate my calendar with my family’s and add in meal planning, shopping, and to-do lists. I also have a planner for just my stuff, when I need to figure out my personal priorities.

But don’t just go over this once. I know that I forget things as the day goes on and need to revisit and tweak things to make them work with anything new that comes up. Families are dynamic and you’ll need to be flexible.

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  Have quiet time. Have you ever tried to do something when you can’t even think? Or tried to make a decision while all of your children wanted your attention at once? That’s stressful and no one makes good choices under stress. You react without the consideration that might be needed.

Try to cut out small chunks of time to think and plan. If you take 15 minutes to drink a cup of tea while your kids are napping or while you’re waiting in the carpool lane, you can consider what you want to do for the next few hours. Is there time to go to the park or should we just stick to the backyard so there’s enough time for homework? Can I make my deadline if I meet my friend for lunch?

Taking a break gives you time to think about what you want to do without the stress of reacting to what’s going on around you.

• Narrate your day. What I mean is, imagine that you were narrating your day to someone else who couldn’t see you. Would you do this by yelling breathlessly, “I’m shoving a frozen pizza into the oven. Where’s that permission slip? Shoot, I forgot to mail the birthday card! Running over to help my daughter with a math problem…”

Or would you prefer saying, “I’ve got dinner in the crockpot so I’m going to help with homework. My son’s permission slip was signed and put away so it won’t get lost. I’m going to work on a project while the kids do their reading time.”

You are the narrator of your day. It can be chaotic or it can be peaceful, but the difference lies in how you arrange your priorities. Prepping meals, having a set routine for your family, and putting things where they go will save you a lot of stress, frustration, and bad choices down the road.

Being proactive doesn’t just mean being ahead of things, but reacting to them in the proper way. When things come up or mistakes are made, adjust. Don’t allow them to get worse, or ignore them as if they will disappear if you hide your eyes behind your hands (despite what most toddlers think). Address the situation or problem and solve it. If you can’t do it then, schedule a time when you can.

Living intentionally means knowing what’s important and acting in a way that reflects those priorities. I hope these tips will help you curb the chaos in your life and increase your peace.

 

Are you living a chaos-driven life? What can you do to change that? If you have any tips, I’d love to hear in the comments!

 

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