Getting things done and checking boxes can be very productive and helpful in life, but when it becomes our main focus and drives us to exhaustion, then it’s time to calm our inner overachiever. Here’s what you can do…
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Hi, my name’s Rebecca and I’m an overachiever. Endless to-do lists, full calendars, and multi-tasking to the nth degree are my drugs of choice. One year, my New Year’s Resolutions needed their own Google doc.
Can you relate?
For the last year, I’ve been circling the idea of what it means to succeed. What defines me? What are my values? And am I living them?
The problem with being an overachiever is that I keep myself so busy that these ideas can barely catch my attention because it’s always elsewhere.
Our inner overachiever is a mean taskmaster and he doesn’t like seeing us sitting, resting, and worst of all, thinking. Deep thoughts have no place in a check-it-off, get-it-done, finish-or-die-trying mindset.
Here’s why: If we stopped moving and just put the to-do list down, we might begin to wonder what we’re really achieving in the first place.
If we’re chasing inbox zero, the perfect home, the Instagram-worthy life, or success in all our endeavors, we never stop to think – is it worth it? Or are there things out there that are more worthy of my time, attention, and skills?
How do you measure success?
Recently, I was asked what I’m successful at. My answer, honestly, was nothing.
Success to me, as an overachiever, is about finishing something successfully. Until it’s complete, it’s not a success because there’s still time for something to go wrong or fail. (Pessimistic much?)
By this definition, we cannot be successful parents, spouses, Christians, or even workers. These things, for the most part, don’t end in our lifetime. So how can we be a success at them?
When we measure success only in terms of the end result, our inner overachiever can never rest. There is always more to do.
How do we calm the inner overachiever for success?
In a perfect world, we would simply let go of this idea. We’d measure success in the value we add to our lives and others.
But overachievers need measurable success. It’s why we love a good checklist. So, instead of trying an abrupt about-face, I suggest this.
Break things up into small goals. Doing this allows us the check-it-off feeling of success even when the “project” is still ongoing. And when it’s checked off, we can lay off ourselves and slow down.
For example, homeschooling is a never-ending cycle of topics and grade levels and subject matter. Especially with five kids of various ages. Breaking everything down, from subjects to terms in a year is what keeps me from losing my mind trying to get it all done (which is completely impossible).
Calm your inner overachiever by setting up small successes to satisfy that need.
What’s urgent and what can wait?
I know, it’s all urgent. Except that it’s not.
Around 6pm when I look at my to-do list and realize there is no way to finish it, I have to make some choices about what gets bumped.
It’s usually now that I see that most of the things I “have to” do on any given day are actually more “should” do or “want to” do. It’s unfortunate that I never seem to realize this until after I’ve spent the day sweating the tyranny of the list…
What you can do
Be smarter than me and do this evaluation at the beginning of the day. Or better yet, do it before you even make your to-do list.
Ask yourself:
- What’s urgent that needs to be done today?
- What can wait, and for how long?
- Does this even need to be done?
Your inner overachiever will say yes to everything you add to your list. But if it’s not urgent and important, then why is it there?
To help you with this, check out this explanation of the four-quadrant matrix used for prioritization. Or you can read about it in Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Where can you better spend your time?
Our inner overachiever keeps us busy with work and tasks to the point where we begin to value them over all else. We may not say so, in fact, we probably say that it’s not true at all.
But in reality, we spend our time on the things we value. If we’re spending all our time perfecting our selfies, spot-cleaning our house, or working 80-hour work weeks, then these are the things we are valuing.
What are the hours you’re spending say about you? What do you value?
How to align your values with your activities
First, list what your values are. This is important because you can’t see how out of the lines you’ve been coloring until you draw those lines.
Once you know what you truly value, take a hard look at where you actually put your time and focus. If you are spending your days on things that you begin to see as being outside your values, then you’ll need to cut them back or cut them out.
This may mean changing jobs or cutting back on clients/hours (as I did). It might mean spending more time playing tea party and less keeping your home guest-ready. Maybe it means simple meals rather than everything-from-scratch four-course events.
However you make the change, make sure it jibes with your values. Calm your inner overachiever by cutting back on quantity and increasing quality. Reach for deeper values rather than face-value accomplishments.
Where do you place your self-worth?
Being busy is a badge of honor in our society. But if your value is wrapped up in your busy, then you’ll find your worth always needing to be proved, again and again.
God created each of us in His image. Our value isn’t in the things we do, but in who we are in Him.
If your inner overachiever is driving you because slowing down makes you feel lazy, useless, or like a failure, remind yourself that you are none of those things, most especially not in His eyes.
Slowing down and savoring life is more in line with what we were created for than the constant striving, rushing, and perfecting that we often spend our time on.
Finding the middle ground between doing too much and doing too little can feel difficult and uncomfortable at times, but doing the work to get there is well worth the trouble.
I’m not there yet, either. But I know that each time I calm my inner overachiever, I live my life closer to my values and more in line with my purpose.
Does your inner overachiever need to be calmed? What methods might you use, and how have they helped? I’d love to hear in the comments or tag me on social media #thejourneyathome!
Great resources to read
- Loving My Actual Life: An Experiment in Relishing What’s Right in Front of Me by Alexandra Kuykendall
- One Bite at a Time: 52 Projects for Making Life Simpler by Tsh Oxenreider
- Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist
- Chasing Slow: Courage to Journey Off the Beaten Path by Erin Loechner
Interested in more on slow living and being intentional? Check out these posts:
Inspirational Monday: Listening for His Voice Amidst the Noise
How to Savor the Moments Amidst the Busyness of Family
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