Sometimes we look at our marriage and we don’t see what we expected to see. Time has taken some of the shine off our spouse. The stresses of real life have taken their toll. The life we’re living with our other half is very different than the one we’d envisioned all those years ago when we said our “I do’s.”
With all the expectations and hopes and dreams rolling around in our heads, how are we supposed to love our marriages where they are today?
I confess that as I sit down to write this post, I have just had an argument with my husband. Or, more accurately, a disagreement. And while I am almost positive that I was right (of course), I couldn’t help but think at the back of my mind, “Not now! I have to write about loving your marriage!” Right. Where. It. Is.
But this is it, right here, where two people with different ideas stumble around, even after a decade together, trying to harmoniously combine two very different voices. I wish we could agree all the time… but, not really. Because while it would be nice to be right all the time, to have someone always say so, it wouldn’t be a very good relationship. For one, it would be pretty boring. And for another, as much as it pains me to say, I’m not always right and I need him to call me on it.
If you’re going through your days with a nagging sense of dissatisfaction, maybe it’s time to nip it in the bud. So how do you love your spouse and your marriage without trying to overhaul them or your life together?
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- Put aside the expectations. These little guys are happiness-stealers. Don’t let some preconceived notion that’s taken shape in your mind be the unspoken-of benchmark that you hold your spouse to. No one can meet a standard they know nothing about. Or one that’s impossible to attain.
- Change your attitude. I know, when we are feeling slighted or disappointed, the last thing we want is to point the finger back at ourselves. But our attitude largely defines our actions and emotions. If we view our marriage in a negative light, we will approach it with anger and irritation. See it as a gift and an opportunity, and we will start each day happier to be in that union, despite any less-than-ideal circumstances.
- Choose to be grateful. Be thankful for the things that you have in your marriage instead of dwelling on what you don’t. Don’t focus on how much your husband is gone at work, instead be grateful he works hard to take care of your family. Don’t resent his hobbies, but be glad that he is well-rounded and has an outlet to relax (and join him once in a while!) You may have had other ideas on how you wanted things to be, but be grateful for what you were blessed with because there is always a reason it was given to you.
Pray. If you’ve been unsatisfied for a while, chances are good that your spouse is aware of it, and maybe even mirroring it. Your marriage may be in the midst of a difficult season. Pray that God softens your heart, and your spouse’s as well, so that you can come back together and revitalize your marriage. Pray for the healing of old wounds and patience to accept things as they are. Invite God into your marriage. After all, He created it.
Finding satisfaction in our marriage can be difficult, especially if we have had our hopes dashed in the past. But were the things that we missed out on better than what we got? Sometimes, what we wanted wasn’t really right for us anyway. And maybe what we got was what we needed. Not wanted, but needed.
People come in and out of our lives and doors open and close, but God has always had a plan for us. A great one. So trust Him to steer you where you need to go, both in your marriage and in your life. If you look for the blessings in them, they’ll be easy to see.
Do you struggle with being satisfied with your marriage as it is? How do you put aside your ideas of “what should be” and embrace “what is?” How has loving your marriage improved both it and you? Let me know in the comments.
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