How to Savor the Moments Amidst the Busyness of Family

Recently, I attended a Mommy and Me Mixer with my youngest who was about five months old at the time. It had been years since I had last been to one of these types of gatherings. But it was close to home and I thought, “Why not?” Plus, I can always use a little socialization with people who are no longer in elementary school.

As everyone got settled and introduced themselves, I was asked what new thing my baby was doing this week. And I blanked. I looked at her sweet little face and thought, “Have I been paying any attention to you?”

When my oldest was born, I can remember taking note of every little thing she did. Photographing it. Posting on Facebook about it. Telling my family and friends about it. And keeping a journal about it. These days it takes the requests of out-of-state grandparents to instigate an impromptu photo session with my phone when I have a free moment. Not quite the same.

One of the trade-offs of a large family is that you give up one-on-one time in favor of the family as a whole. Not that you don’t recognize your children as special individuals, but that you sacrifice that laser focus you perfected with your first for a wider lens.

But that wider view that catches everyone can also miss details. Think more forest than trees.

I spent that hour at the mixer listening to these moms talk about their babies, their struggles with sleep and nursing, teething necklaces and diaper rash cures. But what I didn’t listen to was anyone talking about any other children than the little one that lay in front of them. I’m pretty sure they weren’t all first time mothers, but no one was tempted to do anything but be wholly present with that particular baby.

And it really gave me pause. Because it made me realize that I was letting precious moments pass me by as I looked through my wider lens, moments that would never come again, not for my little girl and not for me.

She will be the last newborn who sleeps on my shoulder. The last one who nurses at my breast. The last one to gurgle and coo at me as though the sight of my face was the most wonderful thing she’d ever seen. The last to wear those impossibly tiny onesies. The last to bathe on my bathroom counter. And the last to, one day, clumsily say, “Mama.”

How could I allow the busyness of life to steal such precious moments from me? How could I not enjoy and savor every gift this child gave me as I had her siblings, just because she was fifth and not first?

And so I have made a concerted effort since then to stop and narrow my focus. I’m not ignoring my other children as they still need the love and attention they always have. But I’ve stopped trying to multitask my way out of “mommy and me” time.

When the baby is cooing happily, I get down to her level and coo right back. I encourage all the amazing new sounds she is making with some of my own. I don’t look at her happy attitude as a chance to sneak in a load of laundry.

I put down my phone while nursing. I hold her grasping little fingers, watch her adorable face as it concentrates on the task at hand, and take in the feeling of her small warm body laying across my lap. Because she won’t be this small for long.

Instead of putting her down the moment I can, I bring her along for the ride. So maybe it takes twice as long to put milk in my coffee, or I need to fish my shoes out of the box by the door with my less-than-dexterous toes, or the PBJ lunch comes out a little bit sloppy. It’s worth it for the feeling of her heart pressed against mine while her curious gaze takes it all in.

These are the moments to be savored. And even with all the things that go on in a family where there are other children and responsibilities taking our attention, there is always time to devote to them. And so I will, and I hope you will, too. Whether your babies are still babies or are off to school, it’s never too late to enjoy them and marvel at them as they grow.

 

Have you been letting some of your children’s precious moments slip away because of busyness? If so, how do you plan to be more present when you’re with them? What have you done to be more intentional? I’d love to hear what other moms are doing. We can learn so much from each other!

 

Want to turn inspiration into action? Ready, Set, Go!

1. Take a survey of what minor things are distracting or stealing your attention.
2. Now cut out or rearrange those things so that you can block out time for one-on-one time with that little person.
3. Document the moment. Memories fade but a picture can go a long way to reviving it. Record baby’s milestones or take a selfie of you and your toddler sharing an ice cream cone. Years from now, you’ll both love to walk down memory lane together.