A little stress can be motivating, but too much is debilitating – here are some ways to scale down stress in your life and live more fully.
Someone recently said to me that stress isn’t a status symbol. But how many of us treat it like it is?
We wear it like a badge of courage or a medal of honor. Or like we want people to see how much we do, then say, “Look! I survived!”
But are we surviving? Or more importantly, is surviving all we want to be doing?
Stress isn’t all bad…
Stress has a time and a place. It’s what keeps us on our toes when there may be a sabertooth tiger just around the corner. Or focused when we’re doing brain surgery.
Not too much of that going on in your life these days? Well, then how about it helps us feel every tick of the second hand as we try to feed and dress the kids before the bus stops at the corner. Or what keeps our minds moving as we juggle the demands of bosses, family, and friends without dropping a ball.
But at what point does the stress stop helping and start hurting?
…but sometimes it is
You know that burnt out feeling you get when the stress needle has moved into the danger zone. You feel mentally fatigued, short-tempered, physically achy, and unfocused.
A day ago or even an hour ago, you were like a well-oiled machine. And now you’re like a broken-down jalopy, barely making it out of the driveway.
Stress puts our bodies on high alert, but we weren’t meant to stay there indefinitely.
There needs to be breaks from stress, whether they be temporary reprieves or a permanent scale down. Either way, there needs to be times when we can relax and let go. Without them, we become human volcanoes with pressure building. And we’ll regret it when the eruption finally happens.
So, how do we avoid that eruption? How can we save ourselves and others from that overwhelmed, uncontrolled, and destructive side of us?
We need to scale down the stress in our lives. For a few minutes, a few hours, or maybe even a few years. But one way or another, we have to release some of the pressure we are feeling so that we can really live, instead of just surviving to stress another day.
Ways to Scale Down Stress in your Life
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Find a Safe Place
We all need a safe place to go to decompress. Maybe it’s your home after a long day at work. Somewhere you can kick off your shoes, listen to your favorite music, and just let your mind wander away from what’s pressuring you.
Maybe it’s your favorite restaurant, or the gym, or the library. I call that last one my happy place. I can breathe better when I’m there.
Find a place where you can take a break from life’s demands and take care of yourself. Have a drink. Watch something funny on your phone. Snuggle with your kids.
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Re-evaluate what’s important
“But everything’s important!” you say. I know, I often feel that way, too. And then I look a little closer and realize that not all the things are important, or at least not urgent. If your to-do list has 15 things and you can only do 8 today, something has to give. You might as well choose, rather than just allow the demands of the day to choose for you.
That’s where your Most Important Things (MIT) come in. These are the 3-5 things that have to happen today. They can’t be put off, so you should start with them. Because nothing is more stressful than working all day only to realize the urgent MITs are still waiting.
Time management is a big part of scaling down stress. If you don’t manage your time, then you’ll find yourself always chasing after those lost hours.
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Photo courtesy of Stacey Gabrielle Koenitz Rozells Cut back
This is about as hard as saying no. Maybe harder because many of us hate to disappoint or inconvenience others. So “quitting” feels bad, even though it will do you good.
If you have too much going on in this season of your life, you will feel constantly overwhelmed. Whether it’s at work, home, or even in your social life, you need to guard your time and not overschedule yourself.
It might be time to step down as a deacon at church. To entrust the kids with more chores. To hand over car-pooling to your husband. It may be for a little while, or it may be for years. You’ll be able to better see once you’re no longer in the stress-induced fog of survival mode.
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Kick guilt to the side
Guilt is a nasty things that keeps us doing things we shouldn’t do for longer than we ever wanted to do them. How do you get out from under the weight of guilt? The weight from saying no, saying I can’t, and asking for help?
You let it go. Preferably with a shove for good measure. Guilt serves a purpose in helping us see where we err. But when we feel guilt for not being the perfect mom, for not meeting the inhuman deadline, or for not living up to unrealistic expectations, then we’ve taken guilt to a bad place.
We are not perfect and were never meant to be. Whatever ideal you’re holding and trying to live up to that is resulting in a broken spirit and worn-out body has to be put aside. There’s nothing wrong with striving, unless your motivator is guilt.
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Photo courtesy of Anika Huizinga Set boundaries
Boundaries help us set limits for ourselves and for others. They keep us from taking on too much and from letting others add too much to our plates.
Once you’ve scaled down the stress in your life, set boundaries to keep your stress at a comfortable level. Maybe it will be a Sabbath day, so you can rest or spend time with your family. Maybe it will be a certain time when your electronics are shut off for the night. Or it might be a set time when you can do something you love – exercise, a hobby, or a coffee date.
There will be times when the boundaries are stretched – think new baby or a cross-country move. But the point is to make room for those events, so they don’t completely crush you. And over time, you can find your way back to the balance you wish for in your life.
Survival mode is no way to live. Scaling down the stress in your life will help you see things more clearly, give you space to enjoy life again, and remind you of what really matters in life.
Are you feeling stressed out with no end in sight? Which of these strategies might help you better balance the stress you are feeling with breathing room to relax? I’d love to hear in the comments.
Some helpful reads when balancing stress and life:
How to Find the Time and Space for Creativity
How to Savor the Moments Amidst the Busyness of Family
Book recommendations:
Breaking Busy: How to Find Peace and Purpose in a World of Crazy by Alli Worthington
Present over Perfect by Shauna Niequist
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
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