How to Set Goals that Really Matter

It’s now a couple of weeks into the year and you’ve probably already begun settling into the “new year, new you” feeling. You’re enthusiastically chasing the goal that you set on January 1^st and can picture yourself holding steady all year long.

Until February. That’s when we statistically begin to falter, according to U.S. News. Like a marriage after the honeymoon period has ended, you’ve noticed that this whole thing takes a lot more work than you thought it would. Yup, I know how you feel.

Making and meeting goals definitely does take work. But why do we stumble and quit after only a matter of weeks of trying to accomplish something new? And how do we avoid it?

As a lover of lists and to-dos, I can admit to getting overly enthusiastic about planning and implementing new habits (like puppy-whose-owner-just-returned-home enthusiastic). But what I’ve noticed over the years is that certain habits and resolutions are easily kept, while others are a slog each and every day.

The biggest problem I notice is that sometimes we just don’t set goals that matter. At least not to us.

Have you ever set a goal for yourself based on someone else, whether its someone you know or an expert? Have you ever made a goal that you didn’t really care about, but that you thought you should care about?

A couple of years ago, after reading article after blog post after book, I decided that my husband and I were going to go on a date night. In fact, I resolved that we would go on monthly date nights. Yup, with 3 small children, a fourth on the way, and money tight, we were going to do it — because “everyone” said we should.

Needless to say, we went on one. It cost too much, it was almost awkward for its forcedness, and our babysitter suddenly wanted extra payment for “watching” the sleeping toddler.

But it wasn’t these obstacles that ended the pursuit of date night. It was because the goal didn’t really matter to me (or my husband). We were happy spending our evenings off together watching reruns, or playing cards, or cooking. We were fine staying in and talking about random things, including the kids (gasp! I know, big date night no-no).

My point is that if the goal isn’t important to you, if you don’t want the results of your work badly enough, then it will be one more broken resolution. So how do you set goals that really matter, to you and maybe only you? Here are some tips:

• Make sure it is doable. Uber-successful people may disagree, but this is no time to shoot for the stars. If something matters to you, then you want to accomplish it. To do that, you have to start, continue, and finish. Don’t overwhelm yourself to the point where it seems hopeless and you begin to think, “Why bother?”
• The result should be worth ALL the pain. If you are hitting the gym hard for two hours 6 days a week right now with the goal to become more toned, you had better be feeling that way each and every week; despite sore muscles, flu season, cranky babies, and lack of noticeable results. Because if what you have to put into your goal is not worthy of the goal itself, it will not be met. For me, if working out that much is required for a more toned body, I’d rather wear capris in the summer and slimming black year-round. The goal doesn’t matter enough to me to put up with that much work.

• Make it your goal. Not your friend’s or your husband’s or your favorite celebrity’s. Just you. Even if no one else understands why you’re doing it, do it for you. I spend some time each day looking over newspapers and reading curious facts. Why? Because I want to know more. There is no other motivation, so it may seem like a waste of time, but it matters to me that I keep learning.
• Is it important? This may sound the same as whether it matters, but it’s actually not. Is your goal important as in the end result could better your life is a serious way? Does spending more time with your spouse forestall a separation? Does reducing sugar help you control your diabetes? Does reading the Bible each day bring you closer to faith and salvation? Does your life depend on it?
• They should be in sync with real-life. If your goal matters to you, then it should slip into the routine of your life fairly easily. Sometimes we have to move some things around, but it shouldn’t be an invasion (unless your goal is to get your diploma or live in a foreign country — then invade away). But your goals should be an extension of your life, meant to enhance what is already there. Think highlights in your hair, not a bleach job. They should also be able to be paused when the inevitable messiness of life causes you to stop what you’re doing to handle something else. If your goal is so demanding that it has no built-in grace, then it’s out of sync with your life and what matters to you.

 

Being a goal-oriented, check-the-box, cross-off-the-list kind of person, I have set many goals, ranging from the important ones that really matter, to the inane ones that I still wonder about (e.g. subscribing to a blog so I could learn more about fashion… I don’t care about fashion. At. All). The one sure thing is that any goal that you make has to be true to not only who you are now, but who you want to become.

Goals are meant to grow us, help us reach further, and mark our progress. Make goals that make you a better version of who you are today and they will always matter.

 

What goals matter to you? Have you ever made and broken any resolutions because they just weren’t right for you? Let me know in the comments!

 

“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.”

–Sean Patrick Flanery (Jane Two)

 

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