As we focus on Gentleness, one of the Fruits of the Spirit, we should consider how this plays out in our homes as we discipline our children. Are we employing tactics of gentleness or force?
“What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a rod of discipline, or shall I come in love and with a gentle spirit?” (1 Corinthians 4:21)
It’s amazing how these children that I love more than anything can somehow manage to push my buttons with such accuracy and consistency.
And while I know most of the things they do are not meant to be deliberately disrespectful or challenging, it doesn’t stop the smoke that comes out of my ears. Childish behavior and willfulness are part of maturing, but as an adult, it’s easy to forget that stage of development because we are on the unfortunate receiving end of it.
When it comes to discipline, there are plenty of strategies employed by parents. From calm reprimands to over-the-knee spanks. But does punishment teach as well as gentle words?
We’ve all heard the “spare the rod, spoil the child” dictum, taken in part from Proverbs 13:24. And also the evidence that physical punishment isn’t the most effective technique. That’s because discipline, which is advocated throughout the Bible, and punishment aren’t the same thing, and they don’t bring about the same result.
One is done with gentle teaching in mind; the other is a response to a certain behavior and is rooted in anger.
And because of these differences, one ultimately works better than the other.
The effectiveness of gentle discipline
When Paul wrote this letter to the Corinthians, he was using his words to gently turn the people away from sinful practices. He even sent Timothy, who he treated like a son, to them in hopes of helping them change their ways.
When it comes to redirecting behavior, most parents can see that while a punishment works fast and in the immediate moment, there is no long-term change.
Gentle discipline that speaks to the heart, on the other hand, is what changes that heart.
When we’re breaking out the metaphoric rod, we are giving in to our own frustration and emotions. But we’re not making any lasting changes in others. Gentleness can reach someone on a deeper level than outward punishment, whether it’s physical or verbal.
Our words and our hands shouldn’t be weapons. Weapons don’t change hearts and minds, they destroy them. So if we want to discipline our kids or teach others around us, the only hope for success is to use gentleness. Instead of a weapon, we are bringing a tool.
I know that people, especially our children, can make us reach for the quick answer – the punishment. But if we want to help them mature and change their hearts and behaviors, then we need to bring tools not weapons. In other words, we must bring our gentleness.
This week, let’s use our gentle spirits to disciple and teach those around us and reap the long-term benefits of new hearts.
Have a blessed Monday!
Looking for more encouragement and inspiration today? Check out these posts:
Discipline is Not a Dirty Word
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