When you’re faced with anger, how do you respond? With gentle words, or are you ready to fight fire with fire? And which one actually works?
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
I’m not really an arguer. I don’t thrive on confrontations or arguments like some people I know. It’s just not something I relish.
Maybe you’re like me and prefer calm waters to high seas. Or maybe you’re the opposite and are ready to fight fire with fire when someone attacks. Standing your ground is a matter of pride and principle.
There are definitely things that are worth fighting for. Just as there are plenty of things that are not. But when you are confronted with anger and harsh words, what is the right way to react?
To give as good as you get? Or respond with gentleness?
Does gentleness end more arguments than harshness?
It’s definitely tempting, even for the non-confrontational, to respond in kind when we feel attacked. Even over little things, the urge to be defensive and deflect blame is more common than apologies and understanding.
But think back to the last argument you were in. Maybe your husband was unhappy with a purchase or your best friend heard you shared something that was meant to be just between you two. Or maybe you were the one making the accusations.
Did you respond with excuses, or maybe mentioned the last time they let you down? Did you use some of your own harsh words?
Or did you explain your reasons, maybe apologize for your mistake even though you hadn’t meant to hurt anyone? Did you respond with gentleness? Even when they were in the wrong?
Every time we choose to react to something, there is a moment in which we choose. How will we respond? What will we say or do?
In that moment, we have the chance to stop the fight in its infancy and turn it from anger to gentleness. From combative to compassionate.
We have the chance to put aside right and wrong, and connect with another person genuinely and intimately. And that can only happen when we respond with gentleness.
The next time you find yourself in an argument, take a moment to think – will I respond with anger or be gentle? Do I love being right, or do I love the person I’m speaking to?
Which will you choose?
Have a blessed Monday!
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