It’s Valentine’s Day and that can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. But instead of looking for ideals, what if we celebrated the imperfections of our work-in-progress love…
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” –Fred Rogers, American TV host, author, and minister
Happy Valentine’s Day.
I say this a bit grudgingly as I am not a huge fan of this holiday.
My husband and I have found that we enjoy it more when we make a concerted effort to celebrate it less. Over the years, we have done our best to avoid going anywhere on the night of or weekend before (ok, mostly that’s because we are scarred from working this night in restaurants). No flowers are delivered and no chocolates are bought.
Why am I so down on V-Day?
Honestly, I’m not. I like hearts and flowers (and jewelry!) as much as the next person. But what puts me off is that this day is so heavy with expectation.
Where is the romance if the gesture is not only expected, but demanded? And in today’s Insta-world, everyone starts comparing notes the minute the gifts start arriving.
Presents aside, there is no perfect day for romance – not unless you as a couple have made it so. Trying to make one day a year (discounting your actual anniversary) the Super Bowl of your love because the calendar says so completely ignores the fact that life in all its messiness was happening on Feb 13th and will again on the 15th.
Love is active, messy, and more complex than a pound of chocolates can express. So expecting today to be everything commercials and social media tell us it should be is like pressing pause on your relationship so you both can get that perfect selfie.
Love for the other 364 days of the year
We love someone because we’re helpless not to. We love not because they are perfect, but despite the fact that they are imperfect. And if we’re lucky, they do the same for us.
Valentine’s Day is wrapped up in expectation and idealism. And those things aren’t all bad. But we also need to accept the imperfections and the mess with the red balloons and fancy dinners.
We should love our other halves as much for their habit of leaving dirty socks six inches from the laundry basket as we do for when they hand us the gift we’ve always wanted.
Maybe this year is the year to lift the burden of expectation from your spouse’s shoulders (and let’s face it, men carry the brunt of this) and instead meet them where they are.
Tired from work. Allergic to flower pollen. More interested in Taco Night than truffled pasta.
And maybe you can let go of your own pressures. To dress to impress. To be ready for seduction when you’re dreaming of your pillow. Pretending to like heart-shaped lava cake when you’re pretty sure it’s just undercooked and isn’t that dangerous??
And whatever you do today, don’t compare your romance to anyone else’s. Your relationship and love are unique to you. What you find romantic may seem silly to your co-worker, and what they consider the perfect V-Day may be your idea of stress.
God has connected us to the person we are meant to be with. Honoring that messy, crazy, uphill climb of a love in a way that seems perfect to you both is the best way you can celebrate this holiday.
Whether that’s champagne on hot-air balloon rides, or fuzzy socks and hot chocolate on the patio, it’s all right.
Happy Valentine’s Day your way.
Have a blessed Monday!
Looking for more encouragement and inspiration today? Check out these posts:
Inspirational Monday: What Is Love?
15 Date Night Ideas on a Budget
Inspirational Monday: The Threads that Bind Our Marriages Together
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