Loving someone can mean wanting the best for them, hoping they succeed in their life. But love is also about loving them just as they are right now…
“I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be.” –Fred Rogers
It will soon be Valentine’s Day and love is on everyone’s mind. At this time of year, we show it with chocolates and flowers, dinners and a night out without the kids.
We do these things to show appreciation for the people we are with. To show that we love them. In that moment, as they are.
Sometimes it’s easy to lose track of that feeling. To forget to love our partners and spouses in the place they are at, the people they are today. Not tomorrow or yesterday, but today.
Loving them where they are
Expectation and history are things that can wear on a relationship, and we would do well to minimize their impact when it’s negative.
Looking at a spouse and thinking they looked better before they gained those 20 pounds can hurt you both. Or thinking that you’ll respect your spouse more when they get that promotion and new title. People don’t want to be loved for their future selves as much as they want to be accepted for their current selves.
If we want to see our partners grow, thrive, and be happy, we have to accept them as they are, flaws and all. Maybe it’s the unglamorous job, the saggy sweatpants, or the unfinished degree that has you holding back. Maybe you don’t even realize you’re doing it. After all, none of us wants to think we’re not loving our spouses as we should over such superficial things.
But it’s easy to let our idea of the person we’re with trump our clear sight of their current selves. So this Valentine’s Day, let’s pay extra attention to loving our spouses with all our hearts, just the way they are. And let’s continue to do it the day after, and the one after that, and on and on…
Have a blessed Monday!
Looking for more encouragement and inspiration today? Check out these posts:
Acceptance is the Foundation of Love
How to Not Let Emotional Baggage Weigh Down Your Marriage
What a wonderful reminder. I absolutely love the Fred Rogers quote you included. How true. I’m so thankful God chose to love me just as I am in this moment.
I’m thankful as well. And I’m glad you liked the quote, Fred Rogers had so much wisdom to share.