In honor of my husband and my 15th wedding anniversary, this post explores the ways that spouses are bound together, both in big and small ways, and how these threads create a net that holds a marriage together through good times and bad.
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.” – Simone Signoret, French actress
Of all the binding references I’ve heard to marriage – from tying the knot to calling your spouse the ball and chain to dramatic mentions of nooses – none hits the mark as well as this quote about threads.
One of the tasks I’ve taken on in my marriage is to sew and repair my husband’s work uniform. Buttons that break off from rough use, pockets that develop holes from hastily tossed in wine keys. I’m the go-to person to repair the damage for another day of work. So out comes the needle and thread.
Threads are small and often overlooked. They’re thin enough that they can break when there’s just one holding something together. But add a few more and their strength grows exponentially. Add threads of different tensile strength and they become even more durable.
When I sew a pocket, I do it in a crosshatch pattern that makes it stronger. Knit together like that, the thin thread is stronger than it would be on its own. And if I were inclined, I could add a few layers, crossing the threads to create a net that can hold against everything thrown in that pocket in a day’s work.
The threads of marriage
Marriage is much like those pockets. In the beginning, it’s strong all on its own. It’s new and fresh, never challenged by a cork opener or car key. It handles things fine. Until it starts to wear from age, struggles, overwork, fatigue.
Our marriages, too, wear over time. The threads get pulled and stretched. Challenges from work, kids, health, money, and expectations make them tired. Some snap.
Lots snap.
If we stand back and do nothing, the remaining threads get pulled tighter and tighter, worn down. If we’re not careful, we’ll throw up our hands and say, “Forget it!” We’ll just throw those pants with the broken pockets out and get new ones. With new threads and no holes and that don’t need lots of work and repair.
You wouldn’t think throwing a marriage out is as easy as tossing out a pair of pants, but for many, it is. And for some of us, we’ve probably considered it.
But just as the threads of our marriages can break through wear and lack of care, so too can they be repaired. Strengthened. Made almost unbreakable.
Treating our marriages with care
Marriages aren’t fast fashion. We shouldn’t enter into them with the goal of liking them for a while, but not forever. They are the quality pieces, made with care and good materials. We launder and use them with enjoyment, but also attention. They’re a forever piece for our wardrobe.
Threads will break throughout the course of our marriages. Whether it’s one plucked by harsh words, or many slashed by a betrayal, it will happen.
But even a thread that is broken can be replaced by another. Maybe not quite the same color and texture, but still right for the job. Maybe even better.
Over the course of my marriage, my husband and I have done our share of thread-breaking. Stress from money and caring for young children. Uneven distribution of family responsibilities. Putting more value in selfish desires than caring for the other. In many ways, both big and small, we have snipped our threads.
But what we have learned is that with intention and attention, we can replace what is gone to keep the woven net of our marriage intact.
Creating your safety net
We do this by strengthening it with selfless acts and kind words. By crosshatching weak areas with threads of dedication, fidelity, and love. By unblinkingly pulling out the broken threads to make room for stronger ones we sew together.
Maybe that’s letting your spouse have a weekend away during stressful times. Or perhaps it’s couples counseling. Maybe it’s doing things as a family, sharing the responsibilities evenly. Whatever it looks like for you, repairs can always be made.
Marriage isn’t a noose around our necks. It’s not a chain stealing our freedom. It’s a million little threads of love and care that create a net that holds us together when one or both of us is too weak to hold on.
My husband and I aren’t together because we can’t escape. We’re together because we’ve spent years of effort creating a cocoon. A safe place. Our net.
I hope today when you look at your spouse, you won’t see the extra pounds they’ve put on, the hobby they love that you find boring, or the annoyance of your last disagreement.
I hope you’ll see the strings that connect them to you. The laughter and love, the dreams and promises, the children and partnerships between you. I hope you’ll see the safety net you’ve built and all the places that are stronger because you took the time to repair them. Together.
Have a blessed Monday!
Looking for more encouragement and inspiration today? Try these posts:
20 Small Things that Make a Big Difference in Your Marriage
12 Books That Will Change Your Marriage for the Better
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