Before kids, I spent a fair amount of time alone. I grew up with four siblings so getting some quiet time by myself was important. As an adult, I needed that time to decompress. I blame it on my being an introvert.
I knew having a baby was a big responsibility and would require a lot of my time. I just didn’t anticipate how much.
I didn’t know I would either have to listen to my baby wail or bring her into the bathroom so I could pee.
I didn’t realize that I would have a constant travel companion because I never knew when hunger would strike, especially in the beginning when nursing was often and pumping was not happening.
I didn’t realize that as babies get older, they become curious and hungry toddlers that would always belly up to my plate for a taste.
I didn’t know that everything I did would be questioned by a pint-sized interrogator, mercilessly wielding the word, “Why?”
I didn’t know my words would cease being my own as my language-learning little one parroted everything back at me. And always the bad words. Especially the bad words.
I wasn’t prepared to have my showers invaded by preschoolers who thought they were way more fun than baths, but were too young to go in one alone.
It didn’t occur to me that there would be predawn wake ups, days without naps, endless tuck-ins, and middle of the night calls for water and comfort.
This was a 24-7 job with no overtime pay, no sick days, and vacation time that always included the whole family.
But.
Unlike so many other jobs, this one did offer many benefits.
I might not have a minute to string more than two thoughts together before someone needs me, but the fact that there are five people on this earth who look to me with absolute trust and certainty that I can solve any problem is something special indeed.
I have their unconditional love, their bright smiles, their funny little stories, and their wet kisses and hugs.
I guess I can give up my quiet mornings with fresh coffee for that. At least until they’re in middle school.
Do you mourn the loss of your alone time or do you relish the closeness that comes with motherhood? Do you make time for yourself? How? I’d love to know!
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