Mom Lesson #5: Life Will Never Be the Same Again

This month, my oldest is celebrating her 8th birthday. So, in honor of her, I’ll be doing a series of posts every Friday this month on some surprising lessons of motherhood that I learned from her (Here’s Lesson #1, Lesson #2, Lesson #3, and Lesson #4).  Nothing feels as scary or as wonderful (though mostly scary) as when you have your first child. That little being changes you, inside and out. And not always the way you thought they would. So join me for a look at what first time momhood taught me. You can probably relate…

 Before I became a mother, I had no idea how much life would change when that first little baby came home from the hospital. No amount of books, friendly advice, or horror stories could prepare me for what was to come. The sleepless nights, the worries and fears about making a mistake, the stress on my marriage, the “mommy guilt,” and my new postpartum body. Nothing had ever upended my life like having a child.

But there were a few changes that I hadn’t expected, nor would they have occurred, had my children not been born:

• I would stop being so shy. Being pregnant is a very public thing. It’s not like you can keep a watermelon-sized middle on the DL, or at least not during summer. People are constantly asking about you, your health, the baby, your family, how you feel, how you’ll deliver, will you breastfeed. The list is endless.

For me, I needed to get used to conversations with everyone from friends to strangers about me and the baby. As an introvert, this could be taxing and awkward since I’d rather listen than talk. But over time, I got more comfortable talking to people about myself and that led to being more comfortable speaking about other things, too. It helped me in my work and with making new friends. Children taught me that the world would not come to a grinding halt when I spoke in front of a group.

• 

  I would never be alone again. From the moment they are born, our children are with us. In the early years, every minute of the day, it seems. Later, they go to school, they play sports, they have hobbies and friends. Eventually, they move away for school or work or a spouse. But they are never gone. Because the bond we formed with them from Day One will have only strengthened through the years, weathering good and bad times, an unbreakable connection that carries on throughout both our lives.

To this day, I call home multiple times a week. I like to catch-up with my mom, see what everyone is up to, and let them know what we’re up to. I want to talk to her, ask her advice, to share my days and thoughts. And I know I’m not the only one of my siblings who does this. Being a mother is a 24-7 job. But it’s also a rest-of-our-lives job. And I’m glad to know that, with any luck, my little ones will one day call me to chat from wherever adulthood has taken them. And, bonus, they won’t be barging into the bathroom anymore when I have to pee. Win-win.

• I would want to do it all over again. For some, though not all, becoming a mom is like flipping on a switch. It changes the way we view everything, from ourselves to our lives to our world. It can change the way we thought we wanted life to go, shifting dreams and goals in unforeseen ways.

At one time, eons ago, I thought I didn’t want to have kids. Maybe I’d adopt one once my career was where I wanted it to be. Maybe. But once I had my daughter, I realized that a career was the last thing I wanted. Or, at least, not a traditional one that took me away from her. Being a mom was the job that I wanted, full-time. I am lucky to be able to stay home with my kids now, though it took years to get the opportunity.

But I never would have thought I would want to be a mom, or that I would want to be one again and again. But with each beautiful child, my heart just stretched a little farther to include them.

• 

  I would learn to share my joy. Everyone loves a pregnant woman. Of this, I am convinced. They love to give her advice, ask questions, see pictures, and touch her growing baby bump. And they do it because they are drawn to the wonder of it. There is something beautiful about a pregnant woman, despite the morning sickness and water retention. It is because she is doing something amazing, right there in front of `your very eyes. She is carrying life.

It’s easy to feel invaded by other people’s (especially strangers’) unasked-for attention. But I’ve truly come to believe that they just wanted to share in the joy of what I was doing. Creating a new life. They remembered the steps of their own journeys through motherhood and wanted to touch on it again through someone who was just starting down that road. I learned that I should be glad to share my joy with the well-wishers. Tummy-touching and all.

 

So motherhood has taught me a lot. About being a mom. And about being myself. My life changed forever when that little (or not so little) 8 ½ pound baby came home for the first time in March of 2009. But she started me on the road of lifelong learning. Because even when I’m old and gray, she’ll still be asking me questions, probably about her own baby. And I’ll need to be ready with a good answer…or at least some awesome research skills. I learned that from my own mom.

 

How has being a mom changed your life? What lessons have your children taught you that changed the way you do things or view things? Let me know in the comments!