This year, I am focusing on the word SAVOR. I plan to savor my family, my faith, my health, and my hobbies/passions. Join me each week as I share the why, how, struggles, and solutions of my goals—and how you, too, can savor your year.

There’s a unique sound that mothers can make, part growl, part question. It comes from the deepest part of us, rumbling up from our chest, through our vocal chords, and out of our pinched mouths.

It usually sounds like this: “What…” It’s not a question or statement; it’s a warning.

If you know the sound I’m talking about, you may also know how I’ve been feeling this last year or two. Stretched thin, always busy, never done. And even the people we love are obstacles in our day.

I hate to say this because I know in my heart that I don’t really feel that way. But it becomes the worn thought pattern in my head, the more busy and hectic I feel.

I don’t want to be the mom that yells. I don’t want to frown more than I smile. And I don’t want to be more punitive than positive.

However, that’s where I am, or at least heading toward at breakneck speed. Making my family a priority this year wasn’t even a question—it was a necessity.

Why You Should Savor Your Family

[Disclaimer: This post may contain affiliate links. Please see below for more details]

Most of us hear savor and we think of a delicious meal, or a hard-won reward. In a way, I suppose, families are a reward after years of hard work. Isn’t marriage, childbirth, compromise, and late-night feedings the currency that buys the healthy relationships we have?

Our spouses and children really are blessings. So, why would we squander them for the sake of accomplishment, perfection, and pride?

My to-do lists, my dedication to clients, my desire to have things just so are all about me. And that leaves little room for anyone else.

Have you ever felt like your days are spent driving toward something that suddenly seems unimportant when you’re met with the face of a disappointed child or frustrated spouse?

We should savor our families because our positions as mother, wife, daughter, and sister trump our positions at work, church, in our social circles, and in the community.

Time passes quickly with children and relationships. We should savor them while we can.

How Can You Savor Your Family

Making family a priority usually means putting something else to the side. Being busy and rushed makes it impossible to enjoy or delight in anything.

So, for me, it meant cutting down on work in a big way. I kept a handful of clients and let the rest know I was closing up shop. This was hard because I had worked hard to create repeat business with my proofreading services. But I also knew it was the right thing to do.

It’s funny how you can feel that deep in your chest. Even when you don’t want to do it, you can’t mistake the feeling of a fist unclenching around your heart.

I’ve begun planning my week differently. Less is more. I have a list of “If I can…” on the side of my planner made up of things that I can do if I have time… or not. No more packing my day.

Our families sometimes need us when we aren’t expecting it—stomach bugs in the middle of the night, bad days at the office that need to be vented, sibling squabbles that need to be mediated—and we need to be flexible enough to graciously handle it.

For the Children

Children need constant reaffirmation. I don’t always realize this and get blindsided when my daughter wails that no one loves her. Hunh???

So, I make it a point to hug and cuddle more. To make eye contact. To listen with focus instead of trying to catch the key points.

I am more of a talker than a hugger, so this is actually hard for me, especially with the older children. But I know they need it, so I’m trying to change my stripes.

During a training class, my husband said that they should say five positives for every correction. That seems like a good way to approach my kids, too. Especially as we homeschool and my praise equals more than just motherly affection.

For My Spouse

Dragging out of bed in the winter at 1am because my husband just got home from work is not fun. But that quiet time while the kids sleep and he eats is a good time to check in about our days and get in sync.

Finding shared interests, listening respectfully to opinions I don’t always agree with, and making time for him are important ways to savor him, too.

I can be too critical sometimes, and one of my focuses this year is to accept my husband as he is and delight in his good qualities. He definitely has some bad ones (as do I), but they shouldn’t be what I zero in on.

Dr. John Gottman spent years studying how savoring your marriage and focusing on the positive can make it better and last longer.

If there is something that bugs you, decide whether it’s worth it, and how to positively enact a change.,

One thing that comes up a lot is that I want him to stop swearing—something I am guilty of as well. So, I pray for us both. And try to think before I speak and set the example—even when I hammer my thumb.

Being loved and savored is a powerful thing. And a great gift. This month is our 12^th wedding anniversary. We rarely do big gifts, but I think this one might be something he’ll value.

For My Home

Home is where the heart is, I’m told. So, I plan to make our home a place that delights us all.

I’ll be crotcheting a throw blanket for our couch and creating cozy spaces with pillows around our living rooms.

I’ve been looking at recipes to up my cooking game and create tastier dishes that we can all enjoy, despite the ingredient limitations.

I’ve been burning candles that fill our space with soft light and wonderful smells (something that Sally Clarkson often encourages). Even with the decorations being put away, we all still enjoy the scent of sugar pine that makes us think of Christmas tree lots in December.

Struggles and Obstacles to Savoring My Family

The biggest obstacle to savoring my family is me. Like most goals, making changes that are habits and sticking to them will be hard.

My innate drive to be productive and do more will need to be tempered or I’ll go right back to mommy growling when I’m rushing around, to-do list in hand.

Expectations are also a problem. When you pour yourself into another person, there’s an expectation of return. And that might not happen—at least not right away.

Solutions

I’ll need to accept that my efforts might be rebuffed or ignored by a tired or busy husband, cranky toddlers, and pre-pubescent kids. This will be a challenge for me, someone who loves “fairness.” But my love and delight in them shouldn’t be contingent on theirs in me.

One of the reasons that New Year’s Resolutions fail is that people don’t plan for pitfalls. By acknowledging these struggles, I hope they’ll allow me to plan and side-step them.

Final thoughts…

My family is the most important thing in my life. I hope that by making them my number one priority this year, seeking to savor every moment that God has given me with them will help my relationships with my husband and kids to flourish as never before.

 

What are your resolutions this year? Have you ever felt the need to intentionally savor your loved ones? I’d love to hear in the comments!

 

Interested in goal-setting? Check out these posts:

How to Set Goals that Really Matter

New Year’s Resolutions: How to Make ’em and Not Break ’em

For more on family life, try these:

Balancing Marriage with Your Responsibilities

How to Savor the Moments Amidst the Busyness of Family

How to Survive as an Introvert in a Large (and loud) Family

 

[Disclaimer: I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links, I’ll receive a commission, at no additional cost to you. All opinions are my own and I never recommend anything I haven’t used myself and loved.]