“To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)
Have you ever been in a conversation where the speaker only listens long enough to turn the focus back on themselves? Where the discussion never gets off the ground because one person has monopolized it?
Have you ever been that speaker?
If you said yes, then I appreciate your honesty. So have I. In fact, I have often missed what others are saying because I am too busy crafting my response.
I blame some of this on my introversion (social situations are a little stressful for me so I have to think about what I say), but a lot of it is plain old self-absorption.
Maybe I think what I have to say is right, important, or fascinating for the listener. Or maybe I just have to tell them this story before I forget, and it’s okay that it’s slightly off-topic.
I put more importance on my words than their words – I put me first. I don’t listen.
Ouch. It hurts to admit that, especially because admitting it reminds me that these things are not true. First, I am not always right, and my thoughts aren’t always important, and I certainly do not always fascinate my listener (or reader?).
But even more than what my words are not, is what the words of the other person could be. If only I was listening…
One mouth for speaking, but two ears for listening
If we were meant to talk more than listen, wouldn’t God have made it the opposite? Can you imagine the noise in this already noisy world if it were doubled?
I think that God made us with twice as many listening organs as speaking ones because He knew that for us to be in relationship with each other, we needed to be able to communicate in a humble and caring way.
It’s hard to be humble when we talk about ourselves. And it’s hard to be caring when we won’t listen to how others are feeling.
I am a talker. Maybe not in public or in group settings, but my family will attest that I use a lot of words. But the more I use, the less anyone else does.
And if I want to communicate with my pre-teens in all their moodiness, and my special needs kids who struggle to put feelings into words, and my husband who equates a grunt to agreement, then I’m going to need to put my mouth to rest and open my ears.
If we aren’t listening, then we aren’t getting to know the people around us. We’re not giving them the chance to open up and show us who they are on a deeper level.
Flapping our lips is like treading water. If you want to go deep, you need to stay still. Only then will you get beyond the shallows to the depths.
This week, I hope you’ll be intentional with your words. Notice when a pause means the other person is gathering courage to touch on something deeper, rather than a chance for you to start talking.
Yes, we need to talk, too. But if we are doing one more than the other, then we are stunting our relationships. And God created us to be social creatures.
In our next conversations, let’s try to be social by simply listening.
Have a blessed Monday!
Looking for more encouragement and inspiration? Check out these posts:
Inspirational Monday: Listening for His Voice Amidst the Noise
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