Recently, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed when I noticed a predominant trend. There were a ton of postings about flowers, elaborate dinners out, and expensive gifts. I’m not sure if I have too many friends with birthdays and anniversaries this month, but it seemed like everyone was getting something, and something big. While I glanced through the pictures, read the captions, and threw out some Likes, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What about the small stuff?”
Traditionally, for a first anniversary, the gift would be paper. I’m not 100% sure what I got on my first anniversary, but I think it was more than a card. I can’t really remember though. But I’m sure it was a good and Facebook-worthy gift. My husband can be very generous and thoughtful. What I tend to remember, however, are the small gifts. The everyday ones.
Maybe it’s just female sentimentality, but I can recall the cards and the little things that I’ve been given over the years much better than the big ones. I can remember the expensive dinner out after our first daughter was born, but not what we ate, talked about, or wore. But I can remember, word for word, the first Mother’s Day text my husband ever sent me: “Happy Mother’s Day to the future mother of my children.” A month later, I was pregnant.
I remember the way he catered to me when he used to bartend, and I would come to see him on my way into work in the morning. He would brew me fresh coffee and order something he knew I would like. He always walked me to my car, even in broad daylight. He sent me off with sushi or salmon so I would have a good lunch, too. He showed me he cared with all of these little gestures, and they made more of an impression than diamond earrings ever could have.
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The small things matter. Every day we have a chance to make the person we married feel special, and most of the time it doesn’t cost a thing. Sometimes that message gets lost among all the social media bragging that goes on. It’s easy to envy the grand gestures that we see. But I know that I, personally, would rather have the small things, day in and day out, than only the big ones every once in a while.
While gift giving often falls to the man in the relationship when it comes to things like Valentine’s Day and even anniversaries, women need to make an effort here, too. The best gifts are the ones that require thought and are meant to not just wow, but make the other person feel appreciated and seen.
My husband loves to cook. So, one year, I bought spice labels and canisters. I organized and labeled his spice cabinet so he could always find what he needed. Another year I bought some oil bottles and EVOO and made my own infused oils for cooking. These weren’t expensive gifts and I doubt anyone would care if I posted a picture of them on Facebook or Instagram. But it made my husband happy, and he felt loved. Mission accomplished.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved the jewelry and handbags and vacations as well. Those were great gifts and I enjoyed the luxury of them. But we can’t live like that every day and I don’t think I would want to. It’s easy to get desensitized to the value of things when they are always there. Dinner out isn’t so special when it’s how you spend every Saturday night. A necklace loses its thrill after a few weeks or months if it’s one of many.
So I’ll take the small things. The empty water bottle I left on the counter that is now full and cold in the fridge because he cares. The phone call after work to let me know that he’s on his way home after a long night because he knows I worry. The smoothie and pizza he juggled while bringing my youngest son to visit me in the hospital after our last baby was born, because he knows I’m always starving after giving birth and starting to nurse. The cuddling I get even when his arm is getting stiff because he knows I need it to sleep sometimes.
There is an intimacy in marriage that allows us to give gifts to each other that require nothing more than paying attention. The longer you are together, the more you know about the person you share a life with. And that knowledge can help you give the most meaningful and heartfelt gifts in the world. Maybe they won’t generate a lot of Likes, but most people would trade the pricey gift in the box for a chance to be loved in the smallest but kindest of ways.
So remember the small things in your marriage. They are the foundation of your relationship and they hold stronger than any grand gesture.
What are some of the most treasured small things that you’ve received in your relationship? Do you agree that the small, every day things are more important than the big, expensive ones? Let me know in the comments!
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